2) Don't laugh at Southern peoples' names. 
(Merleen, Bodie, Luther Ray, Pammy Sue, Mari Beth, etc.) 
These people have been  known to kick a man's ass for less.

 3) Don't order a bottle of pop or a can of soda. This can lead to a serious beating. 
Down south its called Coke, and it don't make a damn whether it's Pepsi, 7-Up, 
or whatever else;  its a  Coke.

 4) Don't show allegiance to any college football team  that isn't in the SEC. 
(Tennessee, Alabama, Mississippi, Georgia, etc.are all in the SEC)
 All the others are just a bunch of pansies that play teams like Wyoming.

  5) Don't refer to Southerners as a bunch of hillbillies. We know our heritage. 
Most of us are more literate than you are (e.g. Welty, Williams, Faulkner). 
We are also better educated and generally lots nicer. 
We have plenty of business sense (e.g., Fred Smith of  FedEx,
 Turner Broadcasting, MCI WorldCom, MTV, Netscape). 
Naturally, we do sometimes have a small lapse in judgment 
(e.g.,  William Jefferson Clinton, Gringich, Fordice, Duke). 
We don't care if you think we are dumb, because we will kick your ass.

  6) We are fully aware of how high the humidity is, so  just shut the  hell up, 
spend your money, and get out of here.

  7) Don't order wheat toast at Cracker Barrel.
Everyone will instantly know that you're from Ohio. 
Eat your biscuits like God  intended... AND DON'T PUT SUGAR ON YOUR GRITS!!!

 8) Don't fake a southern accent, or adopt the word "y'all". This will incite a riot. 
Stick with "youse" and "hey, you guys". We can  comprehend you.

 9) Don't talk about how much better things are at home, because we don't give a rats ass. 
If you don't like it here, all the better.  Drag your whiny-yankee ass home.

 10) We don't play lacrosse, hockey, or any of those other sissy northern games. 
So don't come down here asking for those scores.

 11) We know how to speak proper English. 
We talk this way because we want to and because we can. 
We don't care if you don't understand what we are saying. 
All other southerners understand each other and that's all that matters. 
Now, go home.

 12) Last but not least. DO NOT come down here trying to tell us how to Bar-B-Q. 
This will get your ass shot. You're lucky we let you come down here at all. 
For a free ticket back home, just question our Bar-B-Q and go home in a pine box.